The Story of a Girl
by RedFox1
Summary: i hope this got thru this time! i hate my computer! anyways, sora has to write a composition about herself for school and this is what its like. i think most of us know of her problems so here is another one. of course i put Tai in, i couldn't help it!


Disclaimer: now I must disclaim this psycho babble, I don't own Digimon, or anything to do with it. Sora is writing this story as like a project, and it has to do with the way she is, and her life and all that angsty stuff, I did add Tai in, of course I couldn't leave him out, she loves him after all! It's not too good, actually it sucks! But read if you must, it's kinda interesting…..  
  
  
The Story of a Girl: Hell's Angelthis is the first time i've written about myself but I had to realize….is this me?A girl wanders aimlessly through life. No purpose, no heart. The frigid temperatures outside are nothing compared to those within her soul. Emptiness, loneliness. Is this how she is destined to spend her life? Without a cause, without purpose, without love. She is unable to love, but not. Confusing really. How can she love, but not feel love at the same time? She lives, but not truly. This girl is more than capable of showing affection, but love? She loves and leaves. To her love is as easily forgotten as the passing winds. She gives love to others, she makes them feel loved and cared for, but she never feels it herself. It is because she has never felt true love. A love so pure, that it makes your heart warm, that it fills the gaping void of your soul. The question is… does she want to feel it? Yes, but there is no one to give it to her… no one knows the true meaning of love.  
  
She sees a young guy, possibly her age. He is sitting alone in the park, crying, damning his existence. Her heart twitches. She feels the need to find out what is wrong with him. the girl walks up to he and kneels down and holds his hands lightly before wrapping her arms around him. the boy is shocked, taken aback by this display of affection, but cries harder none the less. Someone is there for him, someone is comforting him. the girl backs away and stares into his cold eyes. the look, the sense of his gaze is much like her own. She sees anger, hate, depression, longing, and loneliness. How could his eyes be so much the same as hers? Is it because he is the same person she is? His soul empty, his heart as cold and merciless as the winter air. Are they what eachother needs?   
  
They talk for hours. They become friends instantly. Both of them the same, in mind and soul. Then unexpectedly the girl must leave. They part ways, only for her to return later and hear that her friend has died. Then she wonders. "Was he the one?" she cries once again, but then forgets.   
  
The problem this girl has is that her heart is too cold to know the one true meaning of love. She doesn't know love, therefore she is unable to feel. She can play with peoples hearts and she enjoys it. She enjoys crushing boys hearts into tiny shards, like a shattering crystal. Why does she do it? Because she doesn't trust, because she likes to see others feel her pain. Deep inside it feels like a part of her is missing and that it will never be brought back. It feels like her heart has been broken, and will never mend. No one has showed her true love, and deep down she resents them for it. She would scream "Is it too much to ask?" she gets no answer. The pain and heartbreak of others is all that keeps her soul in her body. Their pain is all that keeps her sane. She is very manipulative and gets what she desires, most of the time. The only thing left for her to desire is love, will she get it? Can she look inside and see? Can she melt the permafrost surrounding her heart? Can this girl honestly look deep into her soul and ask, is it ready for love? Can she look within the recesses of her very being and ask, is SHE ready for it? Although she is hard of heart, she still has faith. Faith that someday this will all end, and maybe, just maybe, she might be able to find happiness in what remains. Another questions begs an answer, will she make it until then?  
  
The girl asks herself. "Will I be ready if it comes?" then her rage and distrust take over once again telling herself, "No, it will never come. Just play with them, it's more fun that way." She laughs snidely at her comments and agrees with her dark half.   
  
I wander aimlessly through life. No purpose, no heart. I have no heart, I just break them and I love it. I give it to those who need it, and I think nothing of it. And I get nothing in return. I walk, and I wonder. Am I really alone? Yes. I am really alone.   
  
One day I came across a challenge. I met that challenge. Someone told me about myself. They examined my thoughts, my mind, my head. They went inside and found out just what I am. They know that I hate, and I manipulate, and I don't care. They know I enjoy seeing others in pain…. And they know that I hope to find love, but they told me the thing I feared most. They said it would be soon. These people read me like a book, turned my every page and saw what my soul looked like, not cold and angry. Not sneering with mock laughter, but there. My soul, sad and afraid. Crying with loneliness. These things know me. they said that soon there will come a day when I meet the boy. This one boy, I will grow to love, but love differently like my heart and my soul would long for him, but most of all, this boy, in his deep chocolate eyes, he would love me back. With a blinding unconditional love that will last for all eternity. They said that he is the one that will show me what love is. I know that when that day comes, I wont be ready for it. I know myself that I'm screwed. When they told me what I am I was confused, but now I know……they call me the Angel from Hell. And I enjoy that title, for one day I will be the only Angel in hell and I will know why, but in order to get there, I must become the angel first, I must be loved and taught to love, and regardless the past, it will happen. My judgment day is coming, though my judgment will not be my body's end, it will be the day I forget all else and truly feel what love is like.....  
  
"The only rose without a thorn is friendship, the only flower without a bloom is hatred, but a field of flowers is love."  
  
I think it might be wrong somewhere, for though I have been taught to fear Love, I think I crave it as a way to rebel against what I have been taught. The one person who I thought loved me, just wanted me to stay away from it because of something that happened to her. Though, I wish… I wish that the boy who shows me, I wish it was him... I've known him all my life, and want but nothing more from him than a simple "I love you Sora." I can only dream of that day arriving, but then I ask again, "Am I ready for it?" if I've been trained to think this way for my whole life, will I be willing to accept the fact that he loves me? I must wait for that day to come and pray that I will be ready for it, because deep down inside, I want to hear it. And I want to hear it from him. I love him....Taichi.......  
  
  
kinda stupid huh? Sounds a lot like myself actually and i mean ALOT, but it's Sora!! It really is! Anyways that's all from me, I hope at least one person liked it. 


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